Thursday 29th January 2009
What a strange day!!!!! and I’m quite unsure how on earth I have got through it with out a really serious problem occurring. You see it started bad right from the word go. The injections were bizarre. The first needle wouldn’t penetrate the skin. You should have seen Ross, he looked like he was trying to drill through a wall. He kept pushing ,and pushing. He was pushing that hard he was breaking into a sweat. I thought he was going to go and get his hard hat and safety goggles. Eventually he did get the needle into my skin, and straight away a nice blue bruise appeared and then a cool trickle of blood ran down my tummy. “Great, well done baby you done that just perfect……….now try and massacre me with the other one” I snared at him. And to avoid disappointment he did. “For Fu@k sake, What the hell are you doing?, I shouted at him. So I now have two long red streaks of blood rolling down my VERY swollen, rock hard tummy.
Four days on this new drug and I look like I am four months pregnant. I am also very heavy and sore in my ovaries. Bur what really concerns me is my mashed up mind and the feeling of being so so tired, Well quite frankly totally SPACED OUT !
I was convinced the boiler had broken today. So I rang Ross and made him ring his plumber mate and get him round to fix it, Lucky for me he was to busy and couldn’t fit us in today because I had ran a full bubble bath with the cold tap. Then I nearly killed one of the dogs. I had gone round and done all my household duties, very slowly today I must say, it was go slow snail pace. I was on my final task, putting the washing on the rads, and I bloody hate this one at the best of times. I got to the last item and hung it carefully over the radiator. Great, JOB DONE. Until I tried to put the radiator case back on, and blow me it wouldn’t fit. I was pushing it and re angling it and banging it. Why the hell is this not fitting? I thought. I started getting hot and the hot flush was appearing and my stress levels were rising. I really started losing it and pulled the rad case back off in a huff, and saw the dog. SHIT he was sandwiched between the rad and the cover and I was squashing him in. Bless him he didn’t even yelp to let me know. He just sat there with this lonesome look on his little face, my poor little baby. Then there was the not so serious problems that cropped up. Like pouring orange juice in my tea instead of milk, and rewashing the washing twice. Why? I don’t know, I just switched the machine on again, and before I had realised it was already half way through it’s cycle.
So spaced out is quite a good word to describe the side effects, however my wonderful hubby described me to a friend when he was on the phone to him today as “ She’s not right today, in fact she is acting like a right wrongen”. Sooooo thank you Ross and yes I was listening, BUSTED SUCKER!!!
I am just hoping tomorrow will start better, I have my appointment at Hammersmith for my blood test and we will be leaving very early. We need to get to the hospital by 7am, and I can’t wait until it is all over. So definitely early to bed for me tonight !
Thursday, 29 January 2009
Wednesday 28th January 2009
The injections went really well this morning. There was no…………..How do I do that ? And ……….What do I do now? If fact it was a calm relaxing morning. Ross was back on top form and slipped right back into his role on Executive fertility liquid inserter, and was full of confidence and pride, I also felt surprisingly calm this morning even though I have started to feel a few side effects of this new drug. Well I DEFINATELY know I have got two ovaries, yes one on each side and they are both doing something at the moment, I can tell ya!! Both of them are quite painful and quite frankly it feels like someone is jabbing me in the sides with a snooker cue. NOT a great feeling, and my bloody hot flushes keep flaring up at the most inconvenient times. Normally when I am out in public of course. People must look at me and think I’m having some sort of withdrawal from heroin, after all I do look a bit young to be going through the change.
Hummm, now I have got to go up to Hammersmith on Friday morning for a blood test. I am a little worried, not because of the needle……. Obviously!, Well I could probably do it myself, but because they are checking that the hormone level is corresponding with what they are seeing on the scans of my ovaries. If it’s not the IVF cycle will be stopped and we would have failed. So I really want Friday to come and go, and for us to have hopefully jumped right over that hurdle they have plonked there once again. See unfortunately fertility treatment is one hurdle after another and a whole lot of waiting and praying in between, but over the many years Ross and I have become pros at this, sooooooo once again, BRING IT ON !!!!
The injections went really well this morning. There was no…………..How do I do that ? And ……….What do I do now? If fact it was a calm relaxing morning. Ross was back on top form and slipped right back into his role on Executive fertility liquid inserter, and was full of confidence and pride, I also felt surprisingly calm this morning even though I have started to feel a few side effects of this new drug. Well I DEFINATELY know I have got two ovaries, yes one on each side and they are both doing something at the moment, I can tell ya!! Both of them are quite painful and quite frankly it feels like someone is jabbing me in the sides with a snooker cue. NOT a great feeling, and my bloody hot flushes keep flaring up at the most inconvenient times. Normally when I am out in public of course. People must look at me and think I’m having some sort of withdrawal from heroin, after all I do look a bit young to be going through the change.
Hummm, now I have got to go up to Hammersmith on Friday morning for a blood test. I am a little worried, not because of the needle……. Obviously!, Well I could probably do it myself, but because they are checking that the hormone level is corresponding with what they are seeing on the scans of my ovaries. If it’s not the IVF cycle will be stopped and we would have failed. So I really want Friday to come and go, and for us to have hopefully jumped right over that hurdle they have plonked there once again. See unfortunately fertility treatment is one hurdle after another and a whole lot of waiting and praying in between, but over the many years Ross and I have become pros at this, sooooooo once again, BRING IT ON !!!!
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
Tuesday 27th January 2009
I was the ever dutiful, loving and quite frankly best wife in the world this morning, and I gave Ross back his responsibility. The major responsibility of stabbing me, not once of course, he now gets to really enjoy it and stab me twice. It was quite a loving stab this morning though, you see he had confessed to me that he had missed not being with me the day before. He is soooo gorgeous, and well, …….soppy, bless him. So this morning he gave me my first injection of Burserlin which went really well. Then onto the Gonal F pen that he had not used before. I could see the panic in his eyes and the worry that he might get it wrong, it was……….so I just pull that out? And then what?…. I have to what?……Well show me how to set the drug amount…… can you just check that for me?….and then I press,….. Yes?….., right ok, are you sure I’ve done that right???? Oh babes please help me. Love you Mand. Then he finally got round to inserting the needle into my tummy and whist holding it still, he had to run through what he had to do again, and how long he needed to hold it there. “Just press and listen for the click, click, click and then count to 5 and pull it out” I told him. So about 20 seconds later he pulled it out. Bless him he just wanted to make REAL sure all the drugs had gone into my tummy. I don’t know where he thought they would go otherwise. He really is a tryer my Ross and likes to make sure he hasn’t messed anything up, or upset anyone along the way. So I got another, Love you Mand and a kiss, and with a big sigh of relief off he went to work.
My diet has been very eggy for the past two days, and so my farts have been very eggy too, however you wouldn’t know it!!!!!! Cause for some very strange reason my 3 dogs have had terrible tummy upsets today, Wink, Wink. Ohhhh……..so wrong, How can I blame my little babies for that? Well if the cap fits.
I was the ever dutiful, loving and quite frankly best wife in the world this morning, and I gave Ross back his responsibility. The major responsibility of stabbing me, not once of course, he now gets to really enjoy it and stab me twice. It was quite a loving stab this morning though, you see he had confessed to me that he had missed not being with me the day before. He is soooo gorgeous, and well, …….soppy, bless him. So this morning he gave me my first injection of Burserlin which went really well. Then onto the Gonal F pen that he had not used before. I could see the panic in his eyes and the worry that he might get it wrong, it was……….so I just pull that out? And then what?…. I have to what?……Well show me how to set the drug amount…… can you just check that for me?….and then I press,….. Yes?….., right ok, are you sure I’ve done that right???? Oh babes please help me. Love you Mand. Then he finally got round to inserting the needle into my tummy and whist holding it still, he had to run through what he had to do again, and how long he needed to hold it there. “Just press and listen for the click, click, click and then count to 5 and pull it out” I told him. So about 20 seconds later he pulled it out. Bless him he just wanted to make REAL sure all the drugs had gone into my tummy. I don’t know where he thought they would go otherwise. He really is a tryer my Ross and likes to make sure he hasn’t messed anything up, or upset anyone along the way. So I got another, Love you Mand and a kiss, and with a big sigh of relief off he went to work.
My diet has been very eggy for the past two days, and so my farts have been very eggy too, however you wouldn’t know it!!!!!! Cause for some very strange reason my 3 dogs have had terrible tummy upsets today, Wink, Wink. Ohhhh……..so wrong, How can I blame my little babies for that? Well if the cap fits.
Monday, 26 January 2009
Monday 26th January 2009
The phone went at 7:55am this morning and it was Ross. He was ringing me to make sure I was up and ready, and that I wasn’t to nervous I think. That was his main concern, and I could tell by the tone of his voice that he felt really bad and terribly guilty. He said he had been worrying all morning and that he just wanted to make sure I was ok, bless him. He really is a great support to me and so very caring.
Well did I have a surprise for him?,……. I’d done it, I had actually done it, all on my own. YES,… YES,… YES, but I don’t really know how, because now I was in total shock, hehe, I had just given myself two injections. I am sooooo proud of myself. I remember wiping my tummy with the alcohol strip and then, bomb, I JUST DONE IT!!!!! Just like that. I’m simply the best,…… better then all the rest,…… better then anyone. Suddenly I had turned into Tina Turner, dancing and singing around the kitchen. Giggling like a silly little girl, How can this make me soooo chuffed?
I couldn’t quite believe that I had done it, you see the biggest lesson you learn on the long journey of infertility is failure, and that’s what I thought was going to happen this morning, but I shocked myself and DID IT. So I now have the new drug Gonal F in my system, and to be honest I haven’t had any side effects from it yet. I know it’s very early but with the Burselin I had side effects immediately. So I consider myself lucky because with this drug Gonal F some of the side effects are pretty dam awful I must say. So I’m just hoping that I am going to sail though this stage. What this drug is doing is stimulating egg production via super ovulation, that’s what is says in my book, sounds interesting to me, but this is really the most important stage of the IVF because if I don’t produce any good eggs, I wont be having any fertilised and then in turn I wont be having any children, so I have to look after myself at this stage. To make my chances even higher and produce good quality eggs I have to eat boiled eggs, and this is no joke or old wife’s tail, it does actually work. So for the next 12 days I will be living off boiled eggs, oh dear I’m thinking the farts may return?
The phone went at 7:55am this morning and it was Ross. He was ringing me to make sure I was up and ready, and that I wasn’t to nervous I think. That was his main concern, and I could tell by the tone of his voice that he felt really bad and terribly guilty. He said he had been worrying all morning and that he just wanted to make sure I was ok, bless him. He really is a great support to me and so very caring.
Well did I have a surprise for him?,……. I’d done it, I had actually done it, all on my own. YES,… YES,… YES, but I don’t really know how, because now I was in total shock, hehe, I had just given myself two injections. I am sooooo proud of myself. I remember wiping my tummy with the alcohol strip and then, bomb, I JUST DONE IT!!!!! Just like that. I’m simply the best,…… better then all the rest,…… better then anyone. Suddenly I had turned into Tina Turner, dancing and singing around the kitchen. Giggling like a silly little girl, How can this make me soooo chuffed?
I couldn’t quite believe that I had done it, you see the biggest lesson you learn on the long journey of infertility is failure, and that’s what I thought was going to happen this morning, but I shocked myself and DID IT. So I now have the new drug Gonal F in my system, and to be honest I haven’t had any side effects from it yet. I know it’s very early but with the Burselin I had side effects immediately. So I consider myself lucky because with this drug Gonal F some of the side effects are pretty dam awful I must say. So I’m just hoping that I am going to sail though this stage. What this drug is doing is stimulating egg production via super ovulation, that’s what is says in my book, sounds interesting to me, but this is really the most important stage of the IVF because if I don’t produce any good eggs, I wont be having any fertilised and then in turn I wont be having any children, so I have to look after myself at this stage. To make my chances even higher and produce good quality eggs I have to eat boiled eggs, and this is no joke or old wife’s tail, it does actually work. So for the next 12 days I will be living off boiled eggs, oh dear I’m thinking the farts may return?
Late Sunday night .
Yes now it is really happening and I have gone into complete melt down, what am I going to do?, SHIT this really is a big dilemma for me !!!!!!!!!! HELP ME, you see Ross has just informed me that he is having to start work early. So you know what that means? Yes I bloody know, big problem, huge problem for me, I have got to inject myself, not only with one needle but two, cause of starting the new drug pen in the morning too. Arrrhhhh my god, please be with me in the morning, and give me the strength to over come my mental block,……………. Now I’m praying, and soon I will be making a deal with the devil, I know it, I can’t cope, I’m in complete melt down, I won’t sleep I won’t rest god I won’t even be able to relax, oh oh oh poo, What am I going to do?, Count to three and just do it, that’s what I’ve got to do. No I don’t think so, its not going to be that easy, is
it?.
Yes now it is really happening and I have gone into complete melt down, what am I going to do?, SHIT this really is a big dilemma for me !!!!!!!!!! HELP ME, you see Ross has just informed me that he is having to start work early. So you know what that means? Yes I bloody know, big problem, huge problem for me, I have got to inject myself, not only with one needle but two, cause of starting the new drug pen in the morning too. Arrrhhhh my god, please be with me in the morning, and give me the strength to over come my mental block,……………. Now I’m praying, and soon I will be making a deal with the devil, I know it, I can’t cope, I’m in complete melt down, I won’t sleep I won’t rest god I won’t even be able to relax, oh oh oh poo, What am I going to do?, Count to three and just do it, that’s what I’ve got to do. No I don’t think so, its not going to be that easy, is
it?.
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Sunday 25th January 2009
Well it was like see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil in my house this morning, the worrying thing is I was the one being evil. All three of my dogs ran, Scooby hid behind the sofa, Scruff hid under the bed and Preston, well poor little Preston tried to join Scooby but he is too fat to fit, so his bum was sticking out of one end of the sofa, bless him. I was on the war path, and I have been on the slippery slop to angry Ville today. I kicked Ross out of the house and told him to go and get the food shopping while I tidied up. I really was cross. I went round the house mumbling, bloody this….. And…. shitty that. Then I decided I was cold, and it was Ross’s fault, because he hadn’t got any coal for the fire, so I wore my scarf round the house all day, WHY? I don’t know!!, just to be bloody award I suppose. To top it all off all this fuss and bad feeling is to do with one silly thing. Wait for it………it’s because, well your never going to believe it,……….. in fact your properly going to want to section me, OK, it’s because, here we go………… I DON’T want to recycle anymore, haha what am I doing? I told you I’ve gone mad. I don’t want to recycle anymore so I hate the world.
Well that’s it, I pulled myself together, because these drugs are not going to start doing this to me, not NOW. So I made my peace and apologised to Ross, and gave the dogs a lovely cuddle, and I pulled myself together like I said I was going to do, and focused on tomorrow, you see we start our new drugs, and that in turns means we start the next stage of the IVF, yes that is a really good feeling. I have been giving the new needle pen that is full of the drug Gonal F and told to use the dose of 150 each time, but I have to also keep doing the other injection that I do every morning, so now I’m going onto two injections in the morning, or should I say ROSS is now having to do two injections on me every morning, You see I’m still being a chicken and not injecting myself yet. I have to take this new drug for 12 days, with a blood test on Friday and two more scans in between and then if all is on track I will have my eggs harvested after that, so nearly there. God in two weeks they are going to put two embryos back in my womb, which means I will be pregnant with twins, Now it is really happening. All I can say is YES, YES, YES…………..!!!
Well it was like see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil in my house this morning, the worrying thing is I was the one being evil. All three of my dogs ran, Scooby hid behind the sofa, Scruff hid under the bed and Preston, well poor little Preston tried to join Scooby but he is too fat to fit, so his bum was sticking out of one end of the sofa, bless him. I was on the war path, and I have been on the slippery slop to angry Ville today. I kicked Ross out of the house and told him to go and get the food shopping while I tidied up. I really was cross. I went round the house mumbling, bloody this….. And…. shitty that. Then I decided I was cold, and it was Ross’s fault, because he hadn’t got any coal for the fire, so I wore my scarf round the house all day, WHY? I don’t know!!, just to be bloody award I suppose. To top it all off all this fuss and bad feeling is to do with one silly thing. Wait for it………it’s because, well your never going to believe it,……….. in fact your properly going to want to section me, OK, it’s because, here we go………… I DON’T want to recycle anymore, haha what am I doing? I told you I’ve gone mad. I don’t want to recycle anymore so I hate the world.
Well that’s it, I pulled myself together, because these drugs are not going to start doing this to me, not NOW. So I made my peace and apologised to Ross, and gave the dogs a lovely cuddle, and I pulled myself together like I said I was going to do, and focused on tomorrow, you see we start our new drugs, and that in turns means we start the next stage of the IVF, yes that is a really good feeling. I have been giving the new needle pen that is full of the drug Gonal F and told to use the dose of 150 each time, but I have to also keep doing the other injection that I do every morning, so now I’m going onto two injections in the morning, or should I say ROSS is now having to do two injections on me every morning, You see I’m still being a chicken and not injecting myself yet. I have to take this new drug for 12 days, with a blood test on Friday and two more scans in between and then if all is on track I will have my eggs harvested after that, so nearly there. God in two weeks they are going to put two embryos back in my womb, which means I will be pregnant with twins, Now it is really happening. All I can say is YES, YES, YES…………..!!!
Friday 23rd January 2009
Beep, beep, beep, beep, oh that was the all to usual sound of the alarm. I turned over and thought if I ignore it it will go away, and it’s not really happening anyway, I must be dreaming. No such luck. I sat up and flung the covers off,” ARRRHHHH,……….piss off” I shouted. I really didn’t want to get up today. Ohhhhh this is going to be a struggle, my eyes were stinging and my head was pounding , I was cream crackered. I think I was totally exhausted from all the excitement yesterday.
This part of the day was beginning to feel like groundhog day. We got up and both went in our separate directions. Me to the loo and Ross to the kitchen, to put the kettle on, then we pass each other on the top of the stairs, Ross to the loo and me to the kitchen. Its groundhog day !!! I opened the fridge to retrieve my drugs, you see that’s where they live, in the vegetable drawer, next to the grapefruit and cucumber. I did the usual and got the syringe ready and Ross came in to do his morning duty. “STOP………..wow, wow wow, just a sec”, I had just remembered we had been given a needle inserting tip from a lady at the hospital, to stop it from stinging. Right………hold on, what was it? Now she said something about turning it or something. Hummmm, right give me a sec to wake up a bit. “Ok babes, that’s it………….turn the needle so that the hole is facing up towards me, and insert.
Well what a difference. I didn’t even feel it, ha…how funny, something that simple and it really works. So that is why it hurts sometimes and not others then. How brilliant. I was so chuffed that I high fived Ross……….hehe…….how sad am I? I high fived my husband at our age.
What a break though that was. I am so glad I remembered that tip and I am so glad I met that lady at the IVF unit, and most of all I am so glad it works because I had to collect some more needles when I was up at the hospital because mine are running out, and blow me they only had ones that are 2 sizes bigger in both bloody directions,
Fatter and longer.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, oh that was the all to usual sound of the alarm. I turned over and thought if I ignore it it will go away, and it’s not really happening anyway, I must be dreaming. No such luck. I sat up and flung the covers off,” ARRRHHHH,……….piss off” I shouted. I really didn’t want to get up today. Ohhhhh this is going to be a struggle, my eyes were stinging and my head was pounding , I was cream crackered. I think I was totally exhausted from all the excitement yesterday.
This part of the day was beginning to feel like groundhog day. We got up and both went in our separate directions. Me to the loo and Ross to the kitchen, to put the kettle on, then we pass each other on the top of the stairs, Ross to the loo and me to the kitchen. Its groundhog day !!! I opened the fridge to retrieve my drugs, you see that’s where they live, in the vegetable drawer, next to the grapefruit and cucumber. I did the usual and got the syringe ready and Ross came in to do his morning duty. “STOP………..wow, wow wow, just a sec”, I had just remembered we had been given a needle inserting tip from a lady at the hospital, to stop it from stinging. Right………hold on, what was it? Now she said something about turning it or something. Hummmm, right give me a sec to wake up a bit. “Ok babes, that’s it………….turn the needle so that the hole is facing up towards me, and insert.
Well what a difference. I didn’t even feel it, ha…how funny, something that simple and it really works. So that is why it hurts sometimes and not others then. How brilliant. I was so chuffed that I high fived Ross……….hehe…….how sad am I? I high fived my husband at our age.
What a break though that was. I am so glad I remembered that tip and I am so glad I met that lady at the IVF unit, and most of all I am so glad it works because I had to collect some more needles when I was up at the hospital because mine are running out, and blow me they only had ones that are 2 sizes bigger in both bloody directions,
Fatter and longer.
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Thursday 22nd January 2009
I jumped out of bed this morning like I had shit myself. I rudely shouted at Ross to get him up, “Come on GET UP…………. NOW lets go”, bless him his alarm hadn’t even gone off, and I was up and raring to go. I was so excited, not sure how I could be so excited about having a large probe shoved up my lady bits, and then it prodding and poking my poor ovaries, but hey, I was so………… HURRY UP.
We trundled up the motorway in the pouring rain and dark, you see it was still only 6am, but we needed to get there for 7.20am, and I just needed to get there because I wanted to see if the injections had worked. 17 Days of poking me with a needle every morning, it had better of worked. Oh god the anticipation was killing me. People could say I am impatient but I have been waiting 9 and half years. I was so bloody excited, in the car I kept saying over and over again “next stage please, next stage please”, my poor hubby really does put up with a lot at times, bless him. All he could do was giggle at me, properly thinking she really is mad.
On our arrival we were greeted by a doctor who took us straight into one of the scanning rooms, and before he had even drown the curtain my jeans were down round my ankles and my knickers were coming off. See I have had this scan so many times over the years that I knew the drill by now, and I was so excited I couldn’t wait to see what my ovaries looked like.
I put my legs in the stirrups and he inserted the probe, God that jelly stuff is always so bloody cold, there must be a way of warming it up first. As soon as he had angled it to my left ovary I could see…………YES………..hey presto it has all been worth it. I knew straight away because my ovaries are normally lumpy and bumpy but this time it was perfectly oval, and sleeping like a baby. He then angled the scanning probe over onto my right ovary and this one was completely dormant, he was hibernating. Then the words I had been hoping for “yes Mrs Elliott you are now ready to begin the second set of drugs”. Woooooooooh wooh, I would have jumped off the table and kissed , him if I hadn’t been a bit tied up and exposed.
I was then seen by a nurse who talked us both though the new drug and how to use it. You see the Gonal F comes in a pen needle and you have to turn things and press things and Oh dear it is a bit confusing, we have to set the dosage on it and everything, oh and we can’t waste a drop because each pen is £400 and I have been given two, so SHIT no pressure then.
I jumped out of bed this morning like I had shit myself. I rudely shouted at Ross to get him up, “Come on GET UP…………. NOW lets go”, bless him his alarm hadn’t even gone off, and I was up and raring to go. I was so excited, not sure how I could be so excited about having a large probe shoved up my lady bits, and then it prodding and poking my poor ovaries, but hey, I was so………… HURRY UP.
We trundled up the motorway in the pouring rain and dark, you see it was still only 6am, but we needed to get there for 7.20am, and I just needed to get there because I wanted to see if the injections had worked. 17 Days of poking me with a needle every morning, it had better of worked. Oh god the anticipation was killing me. People could say I am impatient but I have been waiting 9 and half years. I was so bloody excited, in the car I kept saying over and over again “next stage please, next stage please”, my poor hubby really does put up with a lot at times, bless him. All he could do was giggle at me, properly thinking she really is mad.
On our arrival we were greeted by a doctor who took us straight into one of the scanning rooms, and before he had even drown the curtain my jeans were down round my ankles and my knickers were coming off. See I have had this scan so many times over the years that I knew the drill by now, and I was so excited I couldn’t wait to see what my ovaries looked like.
I put my legs in the stirrups and he inserted the probe, God that jelly stuff is always so bloody cold, there must be a way of warming it up first. As soon as he had angled it to my left ovary I could see…………YES………..hey presto it has all been worth it. I knew straight away because my ovaries are normally lumpy and bumpy but this time it was perfectly oval, and sleeping like a baby. He then angled the scanning probe over onto my right ovary and this one was completely dormant, he was hibernating. Then the words I had been hoping for “yes Mrs Elliott you are now ready to begin the second set of drugs”. Woooooooooh wooh, I would have jumped off the table and kissed , him if I hadn’t been a bit tied up and exposed.
I was then seen by a nurse who talked us both though the new drug and how to use it. You see the Gonal F comes in a pen needle and you have to turn things and press things and Oh dear it is a bit confusing, we have to set the dosage on it and everything, oh and we can’t waste a drop because each pen is £400 and I have been given two, so SHIT no pressure then.
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Monday 19th January 2009
Blar blar blar blar blar, people are talking but I just can’t hear them, you see whatever they are saying just isn’t important to me. My head is spinning and full of…………., hum well thoughts, just going round and round and round. I just want to stand up and scream “for god sake someone hug me” “I need a bloody hug.”
I’m scared and hurting today and all I want is a hug, and yes I will cry and properly for hours once I start., but today there is no one there ready or up for the challenge, so I don’t stand up and I don’t shout, and I don’t cry, but I still worry and feel scared, and hope that tomorrow will be better.
Blar blar blar blar blar, people are talking but I just can’t hear them, you see whatever they are saying just isn’t important to me. My head is spinning and full of…………., hum well thoughts, just going round and round and round. I just want to stand up and scream “for god sake someone hug me” “I need a bloody hug.”
I’m scared and hurting today and all I want is a hug, and yes I will cry and properly for hours once I start., but today there is no one there ready or up for the challenge, so I don’t stand up and I don’t shout, and I don’t cry, but I still worry and feel scared, and hope that tomorrow will be better.
Sunday 18th January 2009
You know it’s just occurred to me how caring and wonderful I really am. I am the greatest wife in the world, its taken me 10years to realise this, but I really am. God I am a bit slow, but shit I’m the best., “and the winner of the next category of ……………caring wife in a million goes to…………………ME!!! The room erupted with applause and the whistling and cheering, people were even banging their feet. I could here people saying “she really is fantastic” and “wow what a women”, men where saying “god if only she was mine”. I finally reached the stage to collect my trophy and my smile was beaming and I felt so proud of myself. You see what I did this morning was the most caring thing I could have done for Ross, whit for it…………..I didn’t take away his responsibility, his one main job of chief needle pricker. Just how considerate am I?
Hummmmm actually I bottled it. Yet again I couldn’t do it, what is this mental barrier I have? You know it really does make me laugh, all it is is a little needle prick. It’s not like I have to slam my hand in the door, or smack myself in the face with a hammer, it’s just one tiny needle, God what a wuss I am.
Despite me failing with this injection again this morning and still bleeding like a pig I feel great still. I can’t understand how lucky I really have been so far. Everyone I have spoken to have told me how the drug Burslin had sent them mad and made them act like a crazy witch. I think I have stayed quite calm really, my family might tell you different, but I really don’t think so. I am the best……..? I know I’ve had some up and down days but nothing to horrendous that it has made me want to pack it all in. So bring on the sleepless nights and dirty nappies, I AM READY.
You know it’s just occurred to me how caring and wonderful I really am. I am the greatest wife in the world, its taken me 10years to realise this, but I really am. God I am a bit slow, but shit I’m the best., “and the winner of the next category of ……………caring wife in a million goes to…………………ME!!! The room erupted with applause and the whistling and cheering, people were even banging their feet. I could here people saying “she really is fantastic” and “wow what a women”, men where saying “god if only she was mine”. I finally reached the stage to collect my trophy and my smile was beaming and I felt so proud of myself. You see what I did this morning was the most caring thing I could have done for Ross, whit for it…………..I didn’t take away his responsibility, his one main job of chief needle pricker. Just how considerate am I?
Hummmmm actually I bottled it. Yet again I couldn’t do it, what is this mental barrier I have? You know it really does make me laugh, all it is is a little needle prick. It’s not like I have to slam my hand in the door, or smack myself in the face with a hammer, it’s just one tiny needle, God what a wuss I am.
Despite me failing with this injection again this morning and still bleeding like a pig I feel great still. I can’t understand how lucky I really have been so far. Everyone I have spoken to have told me how the drug Burslin had sent them mad and made them act like a crazy witch. I think I have stayed quite calm really, my family might tell you different, but I really don’t think so. I am the best……..? I know I’ve had some up and down days but nothing to horrendous that it has made me want to pack it all in. So bring on the sleepless nights and dirty nappies, I AM READY.
Saturday 17th January 2009
Arrrrhhhh…………….., Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck and I may as well through a bollox in as well, Its bloody ironic isn’t it and bloody being the right word. I said it would happen. I’ve started bleeding and it’s heavy. JUST MY LUCK, and I felt so good yesterday and didn’t have any signs at all, no cramps, no rage, no nothing. I just can’t believe it.
Well they do say this could happen and is quite normal so it’s nothing to worry about, but I wanted to be one of the lucky ones who didn’t have to bleed. Oh bollox, NO CHANCE.
Still not to worry really cause I am on track with the treatment , and the injections are becoming second nature, I don’t even worry about them now. Although I am looking like a pin cushion and I’m very surprised that all the fluid I drink don’t come pouring out of all my little needle holes. Hum how embarrassing would that be?
I am feeling really brave and I am contemplating doing my own jab in the morning or at least giving it a go, and in a strange way I am quite excited about it. I think it helps when there is no pressure because Ross really don’t mind doing it, he really is a wonderful husband and I am very lucky to have him. And in a strange way I think he does quite enjoy giving me the injection, not because he wants to hurt me but because he feels part of the process and he is helping me, hummm should I take this one bit of responsibility from him??, God help……! I hadn’t really thought about it like that until now, SHIT.
I have got to go for a scan on Thursday to see if my ovaries have been suppressed. Funny enough it is called a suppressed scan. If they have I will then be ready for the next stage of the treatment which is when it really starts getting interesting. I will be given another lot of drugs to inject daily which is a FSH Follicle stimulating hormone called Gonal F. This will over stimulate my ovaries to make then produce more follicles then normal, and hopefully lots of eggs will be in these follicles, fingers crossed. I do in all honestly think I should be ok at producing more eggs, because I have always produced lots before in my IUI treatments. Come to think of it I remember producing eight eggs on just my right ovary, so I am pretty relaxed and chilled about this part coming up. Bring on Thursday.
Arrrrhhhh…………….., Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck and I may as well through a bollox in as well, Its bloody ironic isn’t it and bloody being the right word. I said it would happen. I’ve started bleeding and it’s heavy. JUST MY LUCK, and I felt so good yesterday and didn’t have any signs at all, no cramps, no rage, no nothing. I just can’t believe it.
Well they do say this could happen and is quite normal so it’s nothing to worry about, but I wanted to be one of the lucky ones who didn’t have to bleed. Oh bollox, NO CHANCE.
Still not to worry really cause I am on track with the treatment , and the injections are becoming second nature, I don’t even worry about them now. Although I am looking like a pin cushion and I’m very surprised that all the fluid I drink don’t come pouring out of all my little needle holes. Hum how embarrassing would that be?
I am feeling really brave and I am contemplating doing my own jab in the morning or at least giving it a go, and in a strange way I am quite excited about it. I think it helps when there is no pressure because Ross really don’t mind doing it, he really is a wonderful husband and I am very lucky to have him. And in a strange way I think he does quite enjoy giving me the injection, not because he wants to hurt me but because he feels part of the process and he is helping me, hummm should I take this one bit of responsibility from him??, God help……! I hadn’t really thought about it like that until now, SHIT.
I have got to go for a scan on Thursday to see if my ovaries have been suppressed. Funny enough it is called a suppressed scan. If they have I will then be ready for the next stage of the treatment which is when it really starts getting interesting. I will be given another lot of drugs to inject daily which is a FSH Follicle stimulating hormone called Gonal F. This will over stimulate my ovaries to make then produce more follicles then normal, and hopefully lots of eggs will be in these follicles, fingers crossed. I do in all honestly think I should be ok at producing more eggs, because I have always produced lots before in my IUI treatments. Come to think of it I remember producing eight eggs on just my right ovary, so I am pretty relaxed and chilled about this part coming up. Bring on Thursday.
Friday 16th January
I am actually getting quite concerned now and may need to seek medical advise and get some sort of help. You see something really quite strange and rather weird is starting to happen. I am having real concerns that maybe, just maybe I might be turning into a bloody vampire. Well you see it started with me biting my nieces cheek off, and then a few nights after that a very tall man in just his boxer shorts broke into my house and chewed my hand completely off. Then blow me last night I was an apprentice mechanic working in a garage on London road, and my main duties there were chopping up human bodies and eating them. What the hell is this drug that my hubby is willingly injecting in my tummy every morning? And that’s another thing Ross is getting so good at it now that he must be enjoying it.
I’m that concerned that I am turning into some sort of vampire freak that I’m thinking garlic would be good today, garlic on everything, and a pink coffin to sleep in might be more appropriate. The night sweats were horrendous last night, to the point where my hair was dripping and my face was ruby red and the left over make up was sliding down my face, ooohhh very attractive. Despite my very busy night of eating people and sweating like a pig all over the bed I actually feel pretty god dam good today and the injection was a piece of cake, and still NO bleeding. Yes I think I’ve got away with it, yes yes yes. I feel good.
I am actually getting quite concerned now and may need to seek medical advise and get some sort of help. You see something really quite strange and rather weird is starting to happen. I am having real concerns that maybe, just maybe I might be turning into a bloody vampire. Well you see it started with me biting my nieces cheek off, and then a few nights after that a very tall man in just his boxer shorts broke into my house and chewed my hand completely off. Then blow me last night I was an apprentice mechanic working in a garage on London road, and my main duties there were chopping up human bodies and eating them. What the hell is this drug that my hubby is willingly injecting in my tummy every morning? And that’s another thing Ross is getting so good at it now that he must be enjoying it.
I’m that concerned that I am turning into some sort of vampire freak that I’m thinking garlic would be good today, garlic on everything, and a pink coffin to sleep in might be more appropriate. The night sweats were horrendous last night, to the point where my hair was dripping and my face was ruby red and the left over make up was sliding down my face, ooohhh very attractive. Despite my very busy night of eating people and sweating like a pig all over the bed I actually feel pretty god dam good today and the injection was a piece of cake, and still NO bleeding. Yes I think I’ve got away with it, yes yes yes. I feel good.
Thursday 15th January
Well the last few days have flown by without a hitch. My mood has been light. I’ve felt happy and content, I’ve still had no bleeding and the injections have been painless. So this week I have felt very little stress and it really couldn’t have gone better.
Untill today……….GOD where does the U turn in these moods come from? It’s quite bizarre, and very unnatural.
I woke this morning feeling really tired and the injection stung too, and I stood there cold and also feeling itchy and frustrated. So I automatically had a cob on and , well the old head went down and that glazed look of……….DON’T even look at me this morning, and if you try to talk to me I might actually stab you in the eye with this syringe………. Came across my face. I’m sure Ross got the message , in fact I know he did and pretty quickly too.
On days when I feel like this I think the army is missing out on one hell of a front line soldier, cause believe me killing is on the bottom of my list, it’s the torture I want to do first that is quite unnatural and very inhuman , oh and not to mention, its really unlady like too, but hey just don’t mess with me today, PLEASE.
I feel low and the worry of this IVF not working has really fit me today, I can tell you now if this one fails too, it is going to hit me bad, real bad this time, why? I don’t know? Maybe because I’m getting older and have been trying for so many years or maybe just pure and simply because I want to be a mum. That’s not much to ask……..,is it?
I think my feelings are made worse because the tiredness is so bad, and I hadn’t expected it to be, because I didn’t feel this tried with the IUI’s. I suppose different drugs do different things to you. You see this Buserlin has knocked me out compared to the Clomid that made me manic and well, really, all in all pretty dam crazy, so I should be counting my lucky stars instead of feeling sorry for myself, but I just can’t help it today cause my boobs really hurt and I’m NOT happy.
Well the last few days have flown by without a hitch. My mood has been light. I’ve felt happy and content, I’ve still had no bleeding and the injections have been painless. So this week I have felt very little stress and it really couldn’t have gone better.
Untill today……….GOD where does the U turn in these moods come from? It’s quite bizarre, and very unnatural.
I woke this morning feeling really tired and the injection stung too, and I stood there cold and also feeling itchy and frustrated. So I automatically had a cob on and , well the old head went down and that glazed look of……….DON’T even look at me this morning, and if you try to talk to me I might actually stab you in the eye with this syringe………. Came across my face. I’m sure Ross got the message , in fact I know he did and pretty quickly too.
On days when I feel like this I think the army is missing out on one hell of a front line soldier, cause believe me killing is on the bottom of my list, it’s the torture I want to do first that is quite unnatural and very inhuman , oh and not to mention, its really unlady like too, but hey just don’t mess with me today, PLEASE.
I feel low and the worry of this IVF not working has really fit me today, I can tell you now if this one fails too, it is going to hit me bad, real bad this time, why? I don’t know? Maybe because I’m getting older and have been trying for so many years or maybe just pure and simply because I want to be a mum. That’s not much to ask……..,is it?
I think my feelings are made worse because the tiredness is so bad, and I hadn’t expected it to be, because I didn’t feel this tried with the IUI’s. I suppose different drugs do different things to you. You see this Buserlin has knocked me out compared to the Clomid that made me manic and well, really, all in all pretty dam crazy, so I should be counting my lucky stars instead of feeling sorry for myself, but I just can’t help it today cause my boobs really hurt and I’m NOT happy.
Sunday, 18 January 2009
Sunday 11th January
I woke this morning thinking GREAT, I can get Ross to quickly prick me and then I we can go straight back to bed. Hummmm how nice is that going to be, what a lovely idea, back to bed with my wonderful hubby on a Sunday morning when footy is cancelled, Yes this day couldn’t start any better, hummhumm.
Oh hang on I think you might have the wrong end of the stick, when I said Ross can prick me, I don’t mean in any way sexually, or in the romantic sense or even a quickie. You see sex has been the last thing on my mind. I can’t even be bothered to think about it. NO sexual intent and zero sex drive that’s me at the moment, and of course dry fanny really doesn’t help me get in the mood.
And that’s not the worst thing I’m quite embarrassed to say that I look like a gorilla. My legs are as hairy as a mans and my muff, well where do I start with the muff, it is well its that bad I was looking at it in the bath yesterday and I was thinking bunches would look good or even a side parting with a bow, and I’m sure I could see little sprouts of hair growing out of my big toes, my god what was happening. My poor poor hubby, bless him how must he feel, oh dear a shave is in need I think.
Well the injection went really well, it was a dream this morning and we sailed through it, and went straight back to bed. This was going to be a good day I could feel it, oh and still no bleeding, JOY.
I woke this morning thinking GREAT, I can get Ross to quickly prick me and then I we can go straight back to bed. Hummmm how nice is that going to be, what a lovely idea, back to bed with my wonderful hubby on a Sunday morning when footy is cancelled, Yes this day couldn’t start any better, hummhumm.
Oh hang on I think you might have the wrong end of the stick, when I said Ross can prick me, I don’t mean in any way sexually, or in the romantic sense or even a quickie. You see sex has been the last thing on my mind. I can’t even be bothered to think about it. NO sexual intent and zero sex drive that’s me at the moment, and of course dry fanny really doesn’t help me get in the mood.
And that’s not the worst thing I’m quite embarrassed to say that I look like a gorilla. My legs are as hairy as a mans and my muff, well where do I start with the muff, it is well its that bad I was looking at it in the bath yesterday and I was thinking bunches would look good or even a side parting with a bow, and I’m sure I could see little sprouts of hair growing out of my big toes, my god what was happening. My poor poor hubby, bless him how must he feel, oh dear a shave is in need I think.
Well the injection went really well, it was a dream this morning and we sailed through it, and went straight back to bed. This was going to be a good day I could feel it, oh and still no bleeding, JOY.
Saturday 10th January 2009
Ooooh, we had a bloody stinger this morning, it was an wow wow wow……….. steady, shit, that really hurts,……. HURRY UP and push it in. I hate to think what the neighbours think we are doing every morning at 8am. I don’t know why they sting sometimes, but god they do and I want to pull it out. I wonder if it hit’s a nerve or if Ross does it on purpose , On days like this I’m sure I can hear him saying…….. TAKE THAT you BITCH , and if I can’t I can definitely see an evil grin???? Surely not how can I think that, now of course he wouldn’t do that,…………… would he????
I also had the rock and jerk in bed this morning. You know the movement you do when you have really bad period pains, and the only way to ease the pain of the cramps is to do the rock and jerk, or is that just me? I must look like some poor person having a fit, but if it helps then hey what the hell. No bleeding though so good good.
Ooooh, we had a bloody stinger this morning, it was an wow wow wow……….. steady, shit, that really hurts,……. HURRY UP and push it in. I hate to think what the neighbours think we are doing every morning at 8am. I don’t know why they sting sometimes, but god they do and I want to pull it out. I wonder if it hit’s a nerve or if Ross does it on purpose , On days like this I’m sure I can hear him saying…….. TAKE THAT you BITCH , and if I can’t I can definitely see an evil grin???? Surely not how can I think that, now of course he wouldn’t do that,…………… would he????
I also had the rock and jerk in bed this morning. You know the movement you do when you have really bad period pains, and the only way to ease the pain of the cramps is to do the rock and jerk, or is that just me? I must look like some poor person having a fit, but if it helps then hey what the hell. No bleeding though so good good.
Friday 9th January 2009
I’ve been suffering from PMS for about a year now and that’s the only way I can describe how I feel this morning, but I would be due on now if this was a normal cycle , so that would explain it. I have a fertility book, well more like a fertility bible actually and it does say in there that I could experience some bleeding around the time I would be due on., and I’m not a betting women, ??? Yer right ask all my poker pals when I raise them with shit and take down the pot, but if I was, I wouldn’t raise this hand cause I can tell ya , I am bound to bleed at some point.
Anyway the injection went really really well this morning, and if I do say so myself my hubby is getting really good at this and becoming a real pro at stabbing his wife, hummmmm should I be becoming a bit worried I wonder????
I do feel an overwhelming tiredness all the time and heavy eyed, however my farts have calmed down so that is one good thing. I’m just waiting for the high I had on Wednesday to come back, I need that like a need a holiday I can tell ya.
I’ve been suffering from PMS for about a year now and that’s the only way I can describe how I feel this morning, but I would be due on now if this was a normal cycle , so that would explain it. I have a fertility book, well more like a fertility bible actually and it does say in there that I could experience some bleeding around the time I would be due on., and I’m not a betting women, ??? Yer right ask all my poker pals when I raise them with shit and take down the pot, but if I was, I wouldn’t raise this hand cause I can tell ya , I am bound to bleed at some point.
Anyway the injection went really really well this morning, and if I do say so myself my hubby is getting really good at this and becoming a real pro at stabbing his wife, hummmmm should I be becoming a bit worried I wonder????
I do feel an overwhelming tiredness all the time and heavy eyed, however my farts have calmed down so that is one good thing. I’m just waiting for the high I had on Wednesday to come back, I need that like a need a holiday I can tell ya.
Saturday, 17 January 2009
Thursday 8th January 2009
Hummmm, not feeling my best this morning and quite frankly I can do with out being jabbed, and maybe a nice lay in would be kinder for me, No chance , but hey its got to be done, so up I get and get it all ready, Ross came in and done it just like that, He really is the greatest hubby ever and I can’t believe I met him in Batchwood night club, how lucky was I. Meeting such a wonderful man in such a shit hole. See dreams do come true. Within minutes of the injection , my god I felt awful, and I sat on the loo and my poo was like water and I was having hot flushes and I felt soooo tired, I couldn’t believe how quick this was happening and all day I felt like my head and body were heavy and sluggish. I felt pissed off stressed and plain simply poo.
I also have developed a not so nice side effect today and it is……….wait for it DRY FANNY, nice???? And god it hurts, what a horrible feeling it is, and if this is what happens when your in older years I’m not looking forward to it, I can tell you that right now. Dry fanny at 29 well come to think of it dry fanny at any age is not the best feeling in the world, Joys of being a women!!!!
I’m feeling the symptoms of going through the menopause because that’s what the drugs are doing to me, they are shutting down my ovaries so the doctors can take control of my reproductive organs and cycle, so I’m going through the menopause in 3 weeks instead of over 10 years, no wonder I am feeling poo.
Hummmm, not feeling my best this morning and quite frankly I can do with out being jabbed, and maybe a nice lay in would be kinder for me, No chance , but hey its got to be done, so up I get and get it all ready, Ross came in and done it just like that, He really is the greatest hubby ever and I can’t believe I met him in Batchwood night club, how lucky was I. Meeting such a wonderful man in such a shit hole. See dreams do come true. Within minutes of the injection , my god I felt awful, and I sat on the loo and my poo was like water and I was having hot flushes and I felt soooo tired, I couldn’t believe how quick this was happening and all day I felt like my head and body were heavy and sluggish. I felt pissed off stressed and plain simply poo.
I also have developed a not so nice side effect today and it is……….wait for it DRY FANNY, nice???? And god it hurts, what a horrible feeling it is, and if this is what happens when your in older years I’m not looking forward to it, I can tell you that right now. Dry fanny at 29 well come to think of it dry fanny at any age is not the best feeling in the world, Joys of being a women!!!!
I’m feeling the symptoms of going through the menopause because that’s what the drugs are doing to me, they are shutting down my ovaries so the doctors can take control of my reproductive organs and cycle, so I’m going through the menopause in 3 weeks instead of over 10 years, no wonder I am feeling poo.
Wednesday 7th January 2009
What a turn around because I feel great today, I’m on a high and I’m wanting it to stay. The injection was a lot less painful today so that helped, however I did worry most of the night about having it, but hey presto we did it together and it was fine, hehe. I’m getting really excited at the real prospect of being a mummy now. I’m even looking at prams in the catalogues which I have avoided for quite a few years. Wow maybe this isn’t going to be that bad at all, and I’m also thinking this could be our time.
After a long nine years and 4 failed attempts of IUI my bitterness towards not being able to have a family is slowly lifting and how good is that?. Soon I could be a mummy to a real human baby, wow hold on, I’m used to feeding dog biscuits and chews, Oh well I’m sure babies can have them from 6 months so we will be fine.
What a turn around because I feel great today, I’m on a high and I’m wanting it to stay. The injection was a lot less painful today so that helped, however I did worry most of the night about having it, but hey presto we did it together and it was fine, hehe. I’m getting really excited at the real prospect of being a mummy now. I’m even looking at prams in the catalogues which I have avoided for quite a few years. Wow maybe this isn’t going to be that bad at all, and I’m also thinking this could be our time.
After a long nine years and 4 failed attempts of IUI my bitterness towards not being able to have a family is slowly lifting and how good is that?. Soon I could be a mummy to a real human baby, wow hold on, I’m used to feeding dog biscuits and chews, Oh well I’m sure babies can have them from 6 months so we will be fine.
Friday, 16 January 2009
Tuesday 6th January 2009
This morning I woke at 6am and lay there thinking about the dream I had just had. For some reason I had dreamt that I had bitten my nieces face and then fallen out with my sister. Very strange as I hardly ever dream, and never about hurting people especially not my family who I love more then the world.
7.40am I jumped out of bed saying to my hubby “I’ll get it ready babe and then call you”. So out came my bag of tricks and I set up the syringe pulled the drug out of the bottle and wiped my tummy with the alcohol wipe and thought right, I’m going to do this myself, all on my own.
I held the needle close to the wet clean spot and STOOD there. I can’t, I really can’t SHIT, Why the hell not, why can’t I do this? It’s only a needle. I tried again and again and still NO. So in I went to Ross, “With a snap I shouted I can’t do it , GET UP NOW, and bless him he wakes up and looks all confused , so I said it again, even louder “JUST DO IT for me now”. Well he didn’t moved quick enough so I moaned at him again.
Still sleepy he got up and tried to help me whist I was moaning at him constantly. Then he stuck me, SHIT this time it hurt and I looked down and the needle wasn’t in correctly, and it was really starting to sting, stinging quite bad for a little needle. I shouted at him “Well push it in then, Oh get off ill do it”. Bless him he looked confused, sleepy and upset. So not a good start today.
Oh and I can’t stop farting and they smell bad, and I also have a horrible taste in my mouth, so here we go with the side effects then they are starting to kick in already, Hummmm great just what I need.
This morning I woke at 6am and lay there thinking about the dream I had just had. For some reason I had dreamt that I had bitten my nieces face and then fallen out with my sister. Very strange as I hardly ever dream, and never about hurting people especially not my family who I love more then the world.
7.40am I jumped out of bed saying to my hubby “I’ll get it ready babe and then call you”. So out came my bag of tricks and I set up the syringe pulled the drug out of the bottle and wiped my tummy with the alcohol wipe and thought right, I’m going to do this myself, all on my own.
I held the needle close to the wet clean spot and STOOD there. I can’t, I really can’t SHIT, Why the hell not, why can’t I do this? It’s only a needle. I tried again and again and still NO. So in I went to Ross, “With a snap I shouted I can’t do it , GET UP NOW, and bless him he wakes up and looks all confused , so I said it again, even louder “JUST DO IT for me now”. Well he didn’t moved quick enough so I moaned at him again.
Still sleepy he got up and tried to help me whist I was moaning at him constantly. Then he stuck me, SHIT this time it hurt and I looked down and the needle wasn’t in correctly, and it was really starting to sting, stinging quite bad for a little needle. I shouted at him “Well push it in then, Oh get off ill do it”. Bless him he looked confused, sleepy and upset. So not a good start today.
Oh and I can’t stop farting and they smell bad, and I also have a horrible taste in my mouth, so here we go with the side effects then they are starting to kick in already, Hummmm great just what I need.
Monday 5th January 2009
My eyes were so sore from all the crying the night before, and I tried to pull the clear liquid into the syringe but my vision kept going blurry. I was so unprepared , you see the night before I wasn’t even having this IVF and I was leaving my husband, who is the most caring and understanding man you could ever meet. I was saying and thinking the worst irrational things which were horrible. The thing was I was scared.
I shook my head and blinked a few times to regain my vision, and pulled the Buserlin from the bottle into the syringe. Right ……..up to 7 and then flick and push back up to 0.5, ok then…… right I can do this, Great I was set and ready. Now, err, lets do it. Hummmm, shit I can’t, so my husband took it from me and stabbed it into my stomach. It wasn’t that bad at all. Job done, well for today anyway. This was the start of it, with lots more jabs and scans and ops to go.
I then opened the curtains and what a beautiful sight, it was completely white with soft untouched fallen snow, and suddenly things seemed a lot less stressful
My eyes were so sore from all the crying the night before, and I tried to pull the clear liquid into the syringe but my vision kept going blurry. I was so unprepared , you see the night before I wasn’t even having this IVF and I was leaving my husband, who is the most caring and understanding man you could ever meet. I was saying and thinking the worst irrational things which were horrible. The thing was I was scared.
I shook my head and blinked a few times to regain my vision, and pulled the Buserlin from the bottle into the syringe. Right ……..up to 7 and then flick and push back up to 0.5, ok then…… right I can do this, Great I was set and ready. Now, err, lets do it. Hummmm, shit I can’t, so my husband took it from me and stabbed it into my stomach. It wasn’t that bad at all. Job done, well for today anyway. This was the start of it, with lots more jabs and scans and ops to go.
I then opened the curtains and what a beautiful sight, it was completely white with soft untouched fallen snow, and suddenly things seemed a lot less stressful
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