Wednesday 25th March 2009
Well tomorrow is D day for us, we are off to Hammersmith once again, but this time it will be our last time. We are going for our review meeting with our doctors to see how, why and where our IVF failed. And to be honest I am very relieved, I am ready to put this IVF behind me and close that little box of failure. You see for us it has been 10 long years of grieving and hating the world and , feeling like life was so unfair, watching friends and family having babies around us, their lives moving on in the directions we could only dream of. Well how time changes things, and I am a great believer in “time is a great healer” because it sure is. With 4 failed IUI’s and the recent failed IVF we all shared together has proved to us as a couple that we have done all we can, or all we are prepared to do and I am ready to move on. I am ready to move on with my life, together with Ross and no added pressure, no nagging kids, stropy teenagers and a life time of constant worry. We have a very simple life now, where we can enjoy each other, go out when we want, be as noisy as we want and buy what we want. Life is good, you see I have felt free and a release since the IVF has failed, like I can lay my infertility to rest. We gave it 10 years of our lives and gave it our best shot and it is NOT meant to be. For me I have now reached closure and it feels fantastic. I feel I can live again, have fun again and laugh again and stop punishing myself for being a failure. So now that I have finally reached this stage I am NOT going back to the whole trying game.So whatever the doctors have to tell us tomorrow, we can embrace the fact that we have made our decision together NO MORE TRYING………Wow that feels good. Our trying and failing has ended for us and we are going onto our second life together now. One of travel, and fun, and living for us and god we are excited.We have been told on a number of occasions that what we have as a couple is very special, our bond, our love, and our trust is quite unique, and this last IVF has brought us even closer. So we have no worries that we will be very happy together just the two of us and we don’t need to play mummy and daddy we can just be hubby and wifey and enjoy it.So tomorrow will be complete closure of one life and in turn a new life will begin and we are ready to grab it and run with it. We are very lucky in love and I for one wouldn’t change that for 10 babies.
Monday, 13 April 2009
Saturday 7th February 2009
I am fearing that our journey we are all sharing together is coming to an end. Ross and I have had the call and unfortunately none of the eggs have fertilised, and my dream of being a mummy is slipping away, infact it is falling away pretty bloody quickly.My dream of feeling a baby kick in pregnancy and the teaching them good values for life and nurturing them to adulthood is now a very unlikely possibility.The embryologist told us that he would leave them un till Monday and see if there is any change, but not likely. So as I hit the vodka I want to say a massive thank you to you all for sharing our experience. If this has taught me anything it is that there are a lot of lovely and most of all caring people out there and great friends really should mean the world to us all. Thank you for all the beautiful messages I have received and I am just sorry that once again for Ross and I our fairytale dream of being parents has failed again. If a miracle happens and we get the unlikely phone call Monday morning be assured you will all be the first to know, but really don’t hold your breath and thank you once again for being a real support.
I am fearing that our journey we are all sharing together is coming to an end. Ross and I have had the call and unfortunately none of the eggs have fertilised, and my dream of being a mummy is slipping away, infact it is falling away pretty bloody quickly.My dream of feeling a baby kick in pregnancy and the teaching them good values for life and nurturing them to adulthood is now a very unlikely possibility.The embryologist told us that he would leave them un till Monday and see if there is any change, but not likely. So as I hit the vodka I want to say a massive thank you to you all for sharing our experience. If this has taught me anything it is that there are a lot of lovely and most of all caring people out there and great friends really should mean the world to us all. Thank you for all the beautiful messages I have received and I am just sorry that once again for Ross and I our fairytale dream of being parents has failed again. If a miracle happens and we get the unlikely phone call Monday morning be assured you will all be the first to know, but really don’t hold your breath and thank you once again for being a real support.
Friday 6th Feb 2009
Sorry to you all as this enrty is going to be short and sweet. The op went well and I have just got home. I'm tired and a little sore and also feeling very emotional. They managed to harvest 6 eggs out of all my follicles, it seemed alot of my follicles only contained cells and not eggs and we will be having a discussion with our consultant on monday to understand more about this. However it only take one to fertilise and we are laughing, so really I am very pleased with the fact that we do have 6 eggs. We now have to wait for a phone call tomorrow to be told how many have fertilised, oh very exciting but I know this evening will drag. I will let you all know as soon as I do tomorrow, but for now good night im off to bed x x x
Sorry to you all as this enrty is going to be short and sweet. The op went well and I have just got home. I'm tired and a little sore and also feeling very emotional. They managed to harvest 6 eggs out of all my follicles, it seemed alot of my follicles only contained cells and not eggs and we will be having a discussion with our consultant on monday to understand more about this. However it only take one to fertilise and we are laughing, so really I am very pleased with the fact that we do have 6 eggs. We now have to wait for a phone call tomorrow to be told how many have fertilised, oh very exciting but I know this evening will drag. I will let you all know as soon as I do tomorrow, but for now good night im off to bed x x x
Thursday 5th February 2009
“No, No, No…….Quick for gods sake were running out of time, oh no baby, I don’t know what to do. Why is this happening? , That must stay on there?, Loooook it WONT come off, Shit what’s the time? I have to do it now, the doctor said dead on 11pm. Just put it on my tummy and push”.Well you would think we would know what we were doing by now after weeks of injections, but old Bill and Ben here were making a right pigs ear of it. This was my final injection and the needle was different to the other hundreds I had endured. We were only trying to inject with the bloody lid on. Doh, what a balls up. After our little chuckle brothers moment, hey presto we worked it out. Job done!Halleluiah, today must be my lucky day. A complete drug free day, Great I thought as I lay in bed having a well deserved lay in. I had my final injection last night at 11pm and this was Ovitrelle which helps to finally mature my eggs.I have been spending time in my own thoughts today, wondering how many little eggies they are going to harvest tomorrow , and that feels me with excitement but also dread too. What if I had come this far and the follicles were empty and there weren’t any eggs, or if the eggs were not healthy or even if they don’t fertilise. This is something I have to be prepared for, however its not that likely that it will happen like that. Please god make sure. I have my pre op instructions Nil by mouth, wear no make up, jewellery and most of all NO perfume or deodorant. You see this can damage eggs and embryos, God that’s scary how sensitive they really are. I just hope the surgeon and anaesthetist hasn’t got a lunch date tomorrow and splash the aftershave on.Oh, my tummy has really been jumping around today, it’s not only full of eggs, it’s full of butterflies too. I am feeling a happy kind of nerves as we really are getting close now. I am also really looking forward to the sleep IVF is very tiring, I wonder if the anaesthetist will give me an extra hours snooze.
“No, No, No…….Quick for gods sake were running out of time, oh no baby, I don’t know what to do. Why is this happening? , That must stay on there?, Loooook it WONT come off, Shit what’s the time? I have to do it now, the doctor said dead on 11pm. Just put it on my tummy and push”.Well you would think we would know what we were doing by now after weeks of injections, but old Bill and Ben here were making a right pigs ear of it. This was my final injection and the needle was different to the other hundreds I had endured. We were only trying to inject with the bloody lid on. Doh, what a balls up. After our little chuckle brothers moment, hey presto we worked it out. Job done!Halleluiah, today must be my lucky day. A complete drug free day, Great I thought as I lay in bed having a well deserved lay in. I had my final injection last night at 11pm and this was Ovitrelle which helps to finally mature my eggs.I have been spending time in my own thoughts today, wondering how many little eggies they are going to harvest tomorrow , and that feels me with excitement but also dread too. What if I had come this far and the follicles were empty and there weren’t any eggs, or if the eggs were not healthy or even if they don’t fertilise. This is something I have to be prepared for, however its not that likely that it will happen like that. Please god make sure. I have my pre op instructions Nil by mouth, wear no make up, jewellery and most of all NO perfume or deodorant. You see this can damage eggs and embryos, God that’s scary how sensitive they really are. I just hope the surgeon and anaesthetist hasn’t got a lunch date tomorrow and splash the aftershave on.Oh, my tummy has really been jumping around today, it’s not only full of eggs, it’s full of butterflies too. I am feeling a happy kind of nerves as we really are getting close now. I am also really looking forward to the sleep IVF is very tiring, I wonder if the anaesthetist will give me an extra hours snooze.
Wednesday 4th February 2009
We held each other tight and cried, I sobbed like a little baby.
While Ross held me as tight as he possibly could, we stood outside Hammersmith hospital in the freezing cold. I looked up at Ross and he was telling me how proud he was while he stood there blubbering too. It was such a personal and amazing moment, but I couldn’t help thinking how silly Ross’s face looked. It was kind of all screwed up and slightly mangled. There was tears running down his cheeks, but he was giggling at the same time, so he looked all contorted and a bit like a facegurner. But even with all the strange face pulling and crying that moment we were sharing was perfect. Even if people were staring at us!!, So what we were ecstatic, after all we deserved to be. We had doubled our chances over night. Yes, Yes, Yes we were on a roll and I was the host of 14 growing follicles. Sorry did you hear that …………I have 14 large healthy follicles. Betty and Olive had come through for us in amazing style. I can’t believe we had doubled our chances in 24 hours. I was totally overwhelmed. Betty and Olive you beauties, you absolute beauties.Oh and the excitement continues, it may have slipped my mind?……I think I might have forgotten to say?……..Hummmm, Well I still can’t believe it, ….Wait for it….. I WILL be pregnant on Monday!”””””” Yes that is the absolute truth I will have a living growing embryo in my womb, so once again, if you missed it the first time I will be pregnant on Monday.My follicles have got to the correct size that they need to be so they are going to operate this Friday and fertilise the eggs over the weekend and pop them back in my womb on Monday., just like that. Whoooowho, my darling god, I will be up the duff Monday. Ten long years of trying and four failed attempts of IUI and I am now so close to being pregnant. How am I going to contain myself. I don’t think I can? I want to tell the world that I WILL BE PREGANT ON MONDAY!
We held each other tight and cried, I sobbed like a little baby.
While Ross held me as tight as he possibly could, we stood outside Hammersmith hospital in the freezing cold. I looked up at Ross and he was telling me how proud he was while he stood there blubbering too. It was such a personal and amazing moment, but I couldn’t help thinking how silly Ross’s face looked. It was kind of all screwed up and slightly mangled. There was tears running down his cheeks, but he was giggling at the same time, so he looked all contorted and a bit like a facegurner. But even with all the strange face pulling and crying that moment we were sharing was perfect. Even if people were staring at us!!, So what we were ecstatic, after all we deserved to be. We had doubled our chances over night. Yes, Yes, Yes we were on a roll and I was the host of 14 growing follicles. Sorry did you hear that …………I have 14 large healthy follicles. Betty and Olive had come through for us in amazing style. I can’t believe we had doubled our chances in 24 hours. I was totally overwhelmed. Betty and Olive you beauties, you absolute beauties.Oh and the excitement continues, it may have slipped my mind?……I think I might have forgotten to say?……..Hummmm, Well I still can’t believe it, ….Wait for it….. I WILL be pregnant on Monday!”””””” Yes that is the absolute truth I will have a living growing embryo in my womb, so once again, if you missed it the first time I will be pregnant on Monday.My follicles have got to the correct size that they need to be so they are going to operate this Friday and fertilise the eggs over the weekend and pop them back in my womb on Monday., just like that. Whoooowho, my darling god, I will be up the duff Monday. Ten long years of trying and four failed attempts of IUI and I am now so close to being pregnant. How am I going to contain myself. I don’t think I can? I want to tell the world that I WILL BE PREGANT ON MONDAY!
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
Tuesday 3rd February 2009
“One shovel or two”? Ross asked as he poked his head out of the shed. With a striking glance I clearly stated “One baby, ……there is NO way I am going to shovel anything with ovaries this sore”. We were packing up the car ready for our trip to Hammersmith. We were going to be prepared for any eventuality. “It won’t fit”, Ross announced as he strategically shoved the duvet into the boot, along with. The shovel, two large bottles of water, four blankets, lots of spare clothes and the garden broom minus the handle, which he had to sore off, for it to fit in the first place. All this because it had snowed the night before. How the news scare mongers, but nothing was going to get in the way of having our scan.
The journey was surprisingly uneventful considering what the news had told us this morning. We arrived at the hospital with minutes to spare looking like Eskimos, but YES we had made it. This was it the moment we had been wanting for, the moment of truth. God what were we going to find today? I could hardly contain my excitement.
My doctor started with my right ovary. As he turned the scanning probe to get a good view, there was a slight twinge that passed over the whole of the right side of my tummy. Oooooow, that was a bit tender, not very nice at all really. He said that he could clearly see two lovely sized follicles with more growing around them, and was really pleased. He also told us that the smaller ones around them were growing lovely. And follicles can contain more then one egg, so we should harvest quite a few from that side. Well Done Betty!!!, I thought you go girl, rock on. So on to Olive then, he slowly adjusted the probe to view my left ovary and smiled at me. “Hummmmmmmmm, ok” he said, “Now lets see One, two…….three…..Oh that’s a good one …….four……..and that one…..five, six and some small ones on there too. Way to go Olive you little raver, YES. “That’s great news Mrs Elliott you have done fantastic”. Phew I was glad that was over because as you can imagine Olive was bloody sore. It felt like someone was ripping my insides out with a rusty hook. Once again my Dr praised me a told me that I need to rest as much as I can now. That wasn’t all he told me. He informed us that because my follicles are growing so well, I have to go back in the morning for another scan. You see I am getting very close to the time when they need to harvest my eggs, Oh god how exciting, and he needs to see if the smaller ones have grow much over night. It’s amazing how hours really count in the IVF process, so much can change over night, oh it’s a bit scary now.
However I am soooooo excited that we have jumped over another massive hurdle and we are on the home run to the winners circle, I HOPE. I can NOT contain my excitement and can’t wait un till the morning once again. God this is all moving really fast now.
“One shovel or two”? Ross asked as he poked his head out of the shed. With a striking glance I clearly stated “One baby, ……there is NO way I am going to shovel anything with ovaries this sore”. We were packing up the car ready for our trip to Hammersmith. We were going to be prepared for any eventuality. “It won’t fit”, Ross announced as he strategically shoved the duvet into the boot, along with. The shovel, two large bottles of water, four blankets, lots of spare clothes and the garden broom minus the handle, which he had to sore off, for it to fit in the first place. All this because it had snowed the night before. How the news scare mongers, but nothing was going to get in the way of having our scan.
The journey was surprisingly uneventful considering what the news had told us this morning. We arrived at the hospital with minutes to spare looking like Eskimos, but YES we had made it. This was it the moment we had been wanting for, the moment of truth. God what were we going to find today? I could hardly contain my excitement.
My doctor started with my right ovary. As he turned the scanning probe to get a good view, there was a slight twinge that passed over the whole of the right side of my tummy. Oooooow, that was a bit tender, not very nice at all really. He said that he could clearly see two lovely sized follicles with more growing around them, and was really pleased. He also told us that the smaller ones around them were growing lovely. And follicles can contain more then one egg, so we should harvest quite a few from that side. Well Done Betty!!!, I thought you go girl, rock on. So on to Olive then, he slowly adjusted the probe to view my left ovary and smiled at me. “Hummmmmmmmm, ok” he said, “Now lets see One, two…….three…..Oh that’s a good one …….four……..and that one…..five, six and some small ones on there too. Way to go Olive you little raver, YES. “That’s great news Mrs Elliott you have done fantastic”. Phew I was glad that was over because as you can imagine Olive was bloody sore. It felt like someone was ripping my insides out with a rusty hook. Once again my Dr praised me a told me that I need to rest as much as I can now. That wasn’t all he told me. He informed us that because my follicles are growing so well, I have to go back in the morning for another scan. You see I am getting very close to the time when they need to harvest my eggs, Oh god how exciting, and he needs to see if the smaller ones have grow much over night. It’s amazing how hours really count in the IVF process, so much can change over night, oh it’s a bit scary now.
However I am soooooo excited that we have jumped over another massive hurdle and we are on the home run to the winners circle, I HOPE. I can NOT contain my excitement and can’t wait un till the morning once again. God this is all moving really fast now.
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